Poo on my shoe and the crazy family members.

Yay! I got a check today from Pinecone Research. It is a survey site that I do surveys through. The reason I didn't mention it in my other posts is on a count of you have to be invited by them to do their surveys and there was no way I could help anybody get signed up so don't be thinkin' I've been holdin' out on ya's. I've received two checks from them so far both for $3 and if my dingbat husband didn't have my scanner unhooked I'd scan 'em and show ya'll proof. I'm afraid if I tried to hook it up I'd maybe get myself shocked and throw the breaker or somethin' and we can't be havin' that. I ain't too handy with hookin' up machines and what not. Too many cords for me to deal with. If ya'll had been here to see me tear in to those $3 checks ya'll would have thought I'd won the lottery and was movin' to Vegas. That may seem kinda sad to all you folks but to us $6 can mean alot sometimes. We ain't rich people but we've got each other and as long as our bills are paid and we've got food on the table that's all we need. We're not very materialistic people.

Gross story ahead. Don't read it if you have a week stomach or if you don't like anything to do with poop or if you don't find talking about poop just flat out funny.

Anyways for some reason this popped in my head and I have got to tell it. It's a good'n. Once me and my brother went down to the water gap fishing. I was about eleven at the time. Well I had to go to the bathroom really bad and it was #2. My belly was rollin'. I hurried up and reeled in my fishing pole and ran for the woods. You would have thought someone had lit fire under my tail. After a good long relieving poop I headed on back down to the fishing hole. Well guess what....on our way back to the house I stepped in my own shit. It was horrible and I cried because Mom threw my shoes away. Maral of the story I never stepped in my own shit again and if I ever got in a bind and had to go in the woods I watched my step from then on. Now how's that for bein' clumsy?

My family thinks poop is the funniest thing in the world. If anybody so much as farts that's just means for tellin' poop stories and fart jokes. I hope my readers don't hold any of this against me but I'm holdin' nothing back and just tryin' to be myself. I hardly ever let anyone see the real side of me. I'm one of those people that if you were to meet me in person you'd never think of me as bein' so crazy but I'm a nut job. I think I get that from my mom's side of the family.

On my mom's side of the family there is my crazy uncle Dan (we call him Windy). He gets in more binds and situations than anyone I know. He's a pizza delivery man and once when he was delivering a pizza he locked himself inside someone's garage. Talk about an "OH SHIT" moment.

Then there's his girlfriend. When my uncle was married she told his wife that she was pregnant by him but it was really a lie. Then his wife asked him about it and he confessed to messing around with the now girlfriend and that caused a divorce. Now his wife is married to an old man with one lung and my uncle is with the girlfriend who lied about being pregnant.

Then there's my Granny C. She's around 70 and still wears leather pants and red lipstick. She also has this problem with hoarding. She never throws anything away.

Then there was poor ol' Al, rest his soul. When he died his girlfriend brought her gay son to try to take all Al's belongings and was probably gonna sell 'em for drug money. Then my mom packed a .357 hand gun to Al's house and made her leave everything where it was at or she was gonna start shootin'. Then the gay son cried and mom laughed at him then the cops came and told my mom that she packed better than they did, meaning she had a better gun.

Then there's my crazy aunt Linda who yells and cusses at her poor old husband who has to stay drunk to put up with her mouth. He can tell some of the funniest stuff when he's drinking. He told me once that his dog don't shit in the yard because he told it "Hey dog. You don't shit in my yard." So therefore it never did shit in his yard.

My aunt Jewell is the funniest. I swear I think the woman is senile. I prank call her every year and tell her that she owes me money for my dogs operation because I saw her come in to my yard and harrass my poor ol' dog and she broke his ribs. Then she tells me I'm crazy and that I'm greedy and I wan't all her money then she rebukes me in the name of Jesus. Then she calls the cops and tells them the 9/11 terrorists are after her.

Anyways that's enough for tonight. I hope you all enjoyed hearin' about my crazy family and me steppin' in my own crap. G'night ya'll.